Knowing the Self
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and the ‘Others’
By Francis Comendador
member, program team for SanibLakas Foundation’s Local Community Empowerment (LCE) Program; and member, LightShare e-Mail List Group.
PAGPAPAKATAO – We have been repeatedly told that while it is quite easy to become a human, it is difficult to behave and self-actualize as one – mahirap magpakatao!
Knowing the Self
“KNOW THYSELF,” is what Socrates had said more than a thousand years ago. The philosophical adage underscores the need for us to be able to struggle and probably make it our lifetime endeavor to know our real selves because nobody else in this world will ever be able to do it for us.
Becoming our real selves begins with self-acceptance – the threshold of thinking that we are all dependent creatures each one with insufficiencies and that, as such, we should strive toward self-actualization, or simply put, making a conscious effort to be the person we would like ourselves to be, and not be the “ideal person” defined by how we see ourselves in terms of other people’s values.
Becoming ourselves separates us correctly from “the social self” (what others want us to be) to enable us to be who we really are based on what we know of our own selves (our own “ideal self”).
Becoming “us” purely means “magpakatotoo tayo, ‘tol!” “I am what I am” and “we are what we are,” and we get our self-respect from being simply that.
Becoming our “own thing,” so to speak, draws attention to the fact that we are all capable of molding our own personalities by appraising our own selves without denying our faults or weaknesses, our ignorance over a lot of things, our malice, our prejudices, our strengths or capacities. Appreciating ourselves leads us to becoming the real “us.”
On becoming our real selves, we have to primarily recognize that we are individuals, each equipped with our own minds, passions of the will, thoughts and knowledge, ideas and reasoning – that may or may not be in agreement with others.
Our unfolding as real humane beings come with our senses, understanding and reason of our respective wants and needs and purposes in our lives.
Our specific experiences, our attributes and natural impulses come with the reality that we are just so finite and imperfect that our existence is merely temporal or sequential and perhaps insignificant if compared to others.
.COMENDADOR
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But that is what makes us all unique. Fully understanding our make-up as distinct and individual human beings, that are shaped by our particular hereditary backgrounds, culture and individual experience, our personalities lead us to a liberating experience, a life of betterment. Becoming ourselves takes us to the bittersweet process of having to make full use of our productive (and even our not-so-productive) choices and decisions. Being true to ourselves is simply an integral part of what we should endeavor at all planes – within our own selves, with others and within our organizations and communities.
Knowing the ‘Others’
After we have come to ‘know ourselves,’ we have to KNOW OTHERS. And we have to be with others, and let them know who we all are..This is not your typical assembly-line, ideologically-imposed thought process. What is emphasized here is the fact that it is our respective individual beings that should be consciously responsible for building, fortifying and carrying on with the historical truth that man is by nature not an anti-social being. Being such, we all would never be able to live without others.
Figuratively, in fact, some people live for others (as in the tradition of the great martyrs, saints, and yes, even people we personally know), while some live off on others (as in the case of greedy capitalists essentially living off on the productive sweat of underpaid laborers). This is not a two-way scheme of things either. What is stressed is the righteous path, the noble social truth, the life-lesson of having to live with each other and for each other – not because we want to, but because we have to, we need to. I think there simply is little compromise to this glaring social reality that a lot of people find hard to accept. A lot of the world’s problems lie with the fact that persons, families, communities and nations have historically built virtual dividing lines represented by prejudice, greed, racial roots, territorial boundaries, ideology, religion, and yes, even skin color. We have drawn artificial lines marking our differences – individual differences, differences in abilities, inclinations, temperaments, habits; the differences between men and women; the differences between the ages, and so on.
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…in fact, some people live for others, while some live off on others.
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However, if we are to ponder on our real selves and our essentialities as human beings, we can be rid of the lines if mankind would just heed the call of love, understanding, sincerity, generosity, respect and what-have-we values and virtues whose meaning and significance remain the same regardless of time, place, culture, economic conditions and political state of affairs. It is for us mankind that we were born for each other. By virtue of our intelligence, we have been made capable of apprehending a community of interests between ourselves and the human society which we are all part of. We have succumbed to becoming hapless victims of our own doing. Our own dividing lines at the personal and community levels cause our own emotional turmoil. Our respective prejudices and indifference causes our inability to achieve harmonious relationships with others. It has cost us the lack and absence of inner peace and peace at the community, the workplace, varied cultures and peace between and among nations.
How do we then break the lines without transgression? We consciously “build bridges.” We reach out. We extend an open arm. Building bridges is even as simple as giving out a smile and saying hello. We open ourselves to others and, in turn, they might probably do the same. ‘Building bridges’ means reaching out to others as we want others to do the same to us. Building ‘bridges to ourselves’ means knowing our real selves, the fruits of which would only be more rewarding if we are able to link our selves with others, who, in most likelihood, also have in their innermost selves the de- sire to build similar bridges toward us. I would always believe that, generally, individu-als would want to reach out to build bridges and not barriers. Building bridges results in tightly-knit families, happy couples, well-balanced communities, and diplomatic nations. Building bridges leads us to the proper order and harmony of man’s powers and functions to effect meaningful change.
As a consequence of building bridges, cooperation is achieved and synergy is harnessed. One of the most important elements of our lives, aptly called friendship, can only begin and be sustained when we build bridges.
By willfully building bridges, we become sources of inspiration for others. We become teachers of others on the subject matter of “I” and “me,” and, later on, “we” and “us.” Building bridges effectuates mutual respect. It offers a “win-win” solution to a negotiated compromise. It opens the pathway to the expression of kindness and generosity in sharing. It lets us partake of others’ personalities and gifts as we extend our selves to them. It creates for us the opportunity to nourish and realize success in relationships, be they intimate or professional.
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How do we break the lines while avoiding transgression?
We build bridges.
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When we build bridges, we give our hearts away only to discover later on that we have never lost it at all. Instead, we find it whole among the multi- tudes of faces, smiles, handshakes, embraces and warm gestures of those whom we have built bridges to. Thereafter, we simply grasp that the elementary strands that make up all our lives were all the collective bridges that we have either built or burnt.
And before I forget, yes, on our journey to real nationhood, it is imperative to demolish the superimposed cumbersome walls and rebuild the bridges so that our lost links to one another would finally be brought back to light. 
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